welcome to the edge


By Charlotte Barrett

Me looking at my next procrastination treat
Ascolta mentre leggi

I have been meaning to write an article about procrastination for quite some time since it sometimes feels like I put more effort, time and energy into procrastinating than into working.

That could also be because I just had to write a Masters’ dissertation, which seems to be an assignment designed to make students do anything else but write.

I thought many times that the quintessence of procrastination was reading about procrastination whilst procrastinating (or writing about it as I am doing now, quite meta right?).
However, I found myself reaching a whole new level of procrastination yesterday.
Gearing away from my tasks of the day, I thought about Nutella.
I had read an article a few days prior on how Nutella was trying to take hold of the nut market in Italy so they can stamp the golden “Made in Italy “sticker on their otherwise nasty product.

In a desperate attempt at entertaining myself, I googled “Is Nutella evil?”

Wild question that brought me to an even wilder world. Internet at its best.
The procrastination kingdom.
The first result was a Reddit page. I did not know what Reddit was (still don’t to be perfectly honest) but Christ I was in for a treat!
I found a thread (there might be a better Reddit term for that) named “stupid food”. It involved people posting photos and videos of idiotic food creation or meals.
As I was scrolling down all this stupid food, so happy that this procrastination session was taking me to a somewhat next level – I saw a video of a woman boiling crisps- I found what would lead to another serious hour of procrastination: pizza toppings.

Let’s be clear, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pizza toppings.
That’s right, those four awesome turtles who fought the good fight in the sewage of New York, trained by the wisest rat TV has ever seen (Stuart Little being a strong contestant though) and named after Italian Renaissance artists (Damn, how awesome was that show?!).

Well, if you had the luxury of growing up with these cool tortoises…no turtles, you will remember that their diet was strictly based on pizza with the weirdest toppings.

Straight out of the sewers and right into the kitchen!!!
You can actually buy this on amazon…

Fair to say they left their mark on a whole generation, a generation that wastes time looking at stupid food on the internet. A generation that creates stupid food. That’s right, you guessed it.
On the Reddit stupid food thread, I found a guy who was well on his way to cook all 64 pizzas from the cartoon. Of course, I fully commended and applauded his efforts -kirk_d from Reddit, let’s give him the credit he deserves- and realised he was onto an incredible concept.

Naturally, after taking a very close look at all those pizzas (underwhelming by the look, the names sounding much more exciting) and actually thinking that sausage and Jelly beans would be a good mix (or even marshmallow and asparagus), I ended up searching for more weird pizza toppings ideas.
Yes, a restaurant serving Ninja Turtles pizzas did exist but not for very long. I mean, who comes back for a chocolate sprinkles and clam sauce pizza?

Others were inspired and the number of blogs, articles and other internet weirdness listing restaurants with the strangest pizza toppings was mesmerising. It led me to the pizza museum in Philadelphia and to create a to eat list of pizzas.

Then I looked at the time, realised I had wasted yet another afternoon procrastinating, felt amazed at how mind-blowing that very procrastinating afternoon was and closed my laptop. Let’s face it, you should probably do the same because we both know there is no way you just read a full article on pizza toppings if it was not a great procrastinating excuse.

Like I always say, there is always tomorrow!

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